Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
