would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
