There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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