She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
