ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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