my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
