you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
