Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize