Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it's like heaven, but drunker
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
