I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
