ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
