They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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