im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
