He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
