its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
