it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
