You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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