My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
whose parrot is this?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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