It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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