I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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