So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
