You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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