everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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