I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just pee around me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
