So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
two words: eviction party
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
