THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
