hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
