Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
