There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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