i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
