im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
