it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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