Cold hands, warm shart.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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