I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
