It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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