If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize