Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
