does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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