I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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