Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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