I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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