Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
