i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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