This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
