You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
