Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
