i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
