Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.