Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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