my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
