Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
