i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
