Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize