Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
