Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
