Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
