did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
