Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
