he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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