let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize