My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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