Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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