Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
