i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
