I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Panties = found
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
